KINKI NIPPON TOURIST COMPANY  This large Japanese tourist agency was forced to change its name for the English-speaking market when it began receiving lots of requests for unusual sex tours.

ATHLETE'S FOOT  As far as we're aware, this French sportswear retailer hasn't opened any branches in an English-speaking country yet, otherwise they also might want to reconsider their name ...

FITTA  This car was hastily rebranded the "Jazz" for the Scandinavian market after Honda discovered that "fitta" is a colloquial term for a woman's private parts in no less than 3 Nordic languages.

PINTO  Car-maker Ford thought the better of this name in Brazil when it transpired that "Pinto" is Brazilian Portuguese slang for small male genitals. Not quite the image they were trying to promote! (The car was rebadged "Corcel", which has a suitably manly meaning of "horse")

PRICK  While we're on the subject, the Canadian Ikea store offering "Prick by the meter" must have had women queuing round the block. No doubt they were disappointed to learn that it was simply a polka-dot fabric ...

VIXEN  The German ad campaign for Martech's computer game generated lots of strange phone inquiries - hardly surprising really, as its name is a homonym for a colloquialism denoting masturbation. (From then on the game was marketed in Germany under the name of She-Fox.)

PAJERO  This marque has similar connotations in Spanish, so Mitsubishi saw the wisdom of selling this SUV as the "Montero" in Spanish-speaking countries.

PUFF TISSUES  Unfortunately nothing to do with magic dragons in Germany, where "Puff" is a slang term for a brothel.

ZYKLON  Umbro's running shoe unwittingly echoed the name of the gas used in Nazi extermination camps ...

WASH&GO  Procter & Gamble's shampoo might have caused a bit of head-scratching in Russia, where "wash" sounds exactly like "vosh", the Russian word for louse.

PERT  Sales of another shampoo from the P&G stable were unlikely to have taken off in French-speaking Quebec, where "pert" means "loss".

VICKS  P&G didn't fare much better with their cough drops in Germany, overlooking the fact that Germans pronounce 'v' like the English 'f' so their brand name sounds like a well-known 4-letter word denoting sexual intercourse.

GUTVIK  Ikea had a similar problem with this bunk bed ... or perhaps they were trying to promote sales?

FARTFULL  The Ikea name-demon strikes again on this children's desk! (Or maybe they called in Billy Connolly as a consultant?)

HOOCH  In Russia the name of this alcopop resembles an obscenity.

BLUE WATER  A mineral water unlikely to be popular with Ukrainians, since it sounds like their word "bluvota", meaning "vomit".

PSCHITT  Perrier's lemonade doesn't have quite the same ring in the anglophone world!

BARBERSKUM  The Swedes may like this shaving foam, but it ain't exactly got much sex appeal on the English-speaking market.

ATUM BOM  Nope, not a weapon of mass destruction, just a humble tin of Portuguese tuna.

COCK SOUP  A marketing cock-up for the importers of this Jamaica Sun soup?

CRAPSY FRUIT  Delicious French cereal!

POO  Actually, the name of this Argentinian curry powder is probably rather apt.

CRAPP  Surely there could be no better name for this Scandinavian brand of toilet paper - just think of all the fun you could have with advertising slogans!

Ooops we forgot the translation

Spent all the budget on fancy graphics and not enough left over for the text?

Get diarrhoea   This was the somewhat inappropriate literal translation of the Coors beer slogan "Turn it Loose" in Spanish

Fabriqué en Dinde  In French-speaking Quebec a T-shirt made in Turkey was marked as the above instead of 'Fabriqué en Turquie'. If true, this would have been a masterpiece of modern production engineering, since dinde is the sort of turkey you eat at Christmas.

it won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant  The Parker Pen company dropped a clanger by mistranslating "embarass" in a Mexican ad. It meant to say its pen "won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." Unfortunately, it used the "false friend" embarazar; the results, well see for yourself!

I saw the potato  In 1987 a Miami T-shirt manufacturer printed shirts for the Spanish market to commemorate the Pope's visit. Only problem was, instead of using "el Papa" in its slogan "I saw the Pope", the t-shirt refered to "la papa" - the potato.

Refund!  Patrons of an Italian McDonald's must have thought it was their lucky day when a sign proclaimed "Cauzione" - meaning refund. Unfortunately this transpired to be just a mistranslation of "Caution" (which should have read Attenzione) on a "wet floor" sign!

Micro tender rat  This was the Italian translation of "Microsoft Mouse" in the instructions for a rival Taiwanese mouse.

Eat your fingers off!  Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous slogan "Finger-lickin' good" reportedly came out rather less well in Chinese.

Baboon  The Bacardi company planned to market a fruit drink called "Pavane" in Germany, but fortunately decided the better of it as the name was a bit too close to "Pavian", the German word for baboon.

Cue  Colgate ran into problems with "Cue" toothpaste in France, where Cue is a notorious top-shelf magazine.

It takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate  Poultry magnate Purdue gave Mexicans a chuckle when the equivalent of this text appeared on hundreds of billboards as the Spanish 'translation' of its slogan It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken.

Fiat Argenta  Just sometimes, however, we cannot but sympathize with the poor marketer when the hand of fate decides to strike. Fiat launched its "Argenta" model in the early 1980s, just in time for the outbreak of the Falklands War. Don't think it ever really caught on in the UK ...

Pin the tail on the donkey - dictionary style

Here's some of that ropey English lovingly assembled from dictionaries that tends to accompany products from the Far East in particular ...

Chop Suey!

Please try Your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks. the traditional and typical If Chinaes glorious history and culture. ... Tuk under thurnb and hcld firmly Add second chcostick hold it as you hold a pencil Hold tirst chopstick in originai position move the second one up and down.  Easy, isn't it?

To shave or not to shave, that is the question...

Smuggle the razor blade (reference value around 400 g) on your muscle vertically, then drag your skin and shave back slowly.  Now who'd've thought instructions for a shaver could be so poetic?

We all fall down...

Assembly: 1. Attach upper pipe to pillar pipe and pull out pillar pipe until the top of upper pipe is reached to the ceiling. 2. Tighten the short bolt of pipe support connector all the way. 3. Turn pole to counter clockwise with holding rubber foot to have secured strong set up or you can turn rubber foot to clockwise. 4. Measuring appreciate height to hang clothes and fasten bracket tightly to poles. 5. Pull out cross bar to appreciate length  Instructions for Japanese wardrobe fitting.

Instructions on a Greek deodorant stick

Push up bottom  Ouch!

Bilge of the highest order

Setting Pre Ceiling Way and Means:
1. with appertain rotor of screw setting pre ceiling on the under standing that serew no wield. May wield two-faced, pressboard securing. wied pre to begin with wiping ceiling of bilge dasto.
2. Thread of length need half as many again as tad.
3. Open toy of batteries shuck. Verification batteries,+,-whereafter stow down to a certainty need locknat lest take place accident.
4. Hook through toys apside of hole.
5. Needs swithes shoving NO.for pre arrows specifying of orention shoving. Pack it up time, withbold toy pate, need switches shoving OFF.  The instructions for this Action-man type toy are positively quadruple-Dutch!

Safety(!) notice on a Russian cruise liner.

Helpsaving apparata in emergings behold many whitles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bonsomes and meet behind. Flee then to the indifferent lifesavering shippen obediencing the instructs of the vessel chef.  Let's hope it's not called Titanic!

Hotel howlers

There are no shortage of notices to bring a smile to the face of the weariest of travellers ...

Flattening with pleasure

THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID   This Yugoslav hotel prides itself on its service

Taking liberties with service

YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID  Japanese hotels provide excellent chambermaid service

Who says the Swiss aren't open-minded?

BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE  In Zurich they certainly prefer to keep things out in the open

Tell it like it is

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK   The Parisians have definitely got it sussed

Fully-equipped gym?

SWEAT DREAMS  This Polish hotel has a surprise in store for its guests

Kinky boots

NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION   A polite notice in an Austrian hotel to its climber guests

Harry Potter eat your heart out

TO MORE THE CABIN, PUSH BUTTON FOR WISHING FLOOR. IF THE CABIN SHOULD ENTER MORE PERSONS, EACH ONE SHOULD PRESS A NUMBER OF WISHING FLOOR. DRIVING IS THEN GOING ALPHABETICALLY BY NATIONAL ORDER.  Taking a lift in Belgrade is truly magical

Our small touristic pleasures

Tourist attractions are a perennial source of comic mistranslations

An agency in Czechoslovakia invites us to

TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES  Great ante-natal care

In Thailand they advertise donkey rides thus

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?  Neeeeiiiiiiigh

A Majorcan shop offers endearing variations of "English speak here"

ENGLISH WELL TALKING HERE SPEECHING AMERICAN  ¿Qué?

A sign beside a Chinese temple invites visitors to

PLEASE TAKE ONE STEP FORWARD AND CRAP TWICE  Want the toilet!

The caption under a photo of a local dance in the former USSR says it all

YOUNG MEN'S BALLS IN FULL SWING